As a free* public service, I have created this checklist for those readers planning to get rich quick by scamming naive people with important and trendy cryptocurrency projects. Additions to the list are welcome.
- Come up with a clever name for your project, preferably incorporating the word “bit” or “coin,” because it reminds people of Bitcoin.
- Also register a domain name using the project name, but make sure you register using a proxy service, so the public (and law enforcement) won’t know who you are.
- Don’t forget to register a company name, too. It seems the UK is the easiest jurisdiction for this, plus it sounds impressive to registered in the UK. Woo hoo! Note that you will need to arrange for a postal address and find at least one person to act as the company representative. There are services that can arrange all that for you. Easy-peasy.
- Promoters should never include actual project team members, who must remain totally anonymous. Remember the first rule of the Fight Club.
- Social media accounts are absolutely necessary to get traction. Twitter and Facebook are required. Keep up a steady stream of news reports about the project, especially in the early stages, to build up public confidence. At the same time, don’t be too specific about anything. Confident scammers can also create Telegram and Discord channels, and a Medium blog, but realize that users of all these are pretty tech-savvy and can ask embarrassing questions. Be prepared with generalities or put off answering direct questions to a later date.
- When designing the website, be sure to mention how so many people have made fortunes in cryptocurrencies and how your project will make it easy for anyone to also be rich in a short time. Ideally, you should say the project is a “one-stop” shop for beginners, that they will belong to a “community of cryptocurrency users” who will help each other on their way to wealth, and your project is better than those that have come before it.
- Website content should sound just authoritative enough to convince neophytes you know what you’re talking about, but not be so detailed as to prevent future obfuscation. Besides, smart people are not going to invest in your platform anyway, so they are not your audience.
- Whitepaper, shmitepaper. No one reads the damned things anyway. Skip it.
- If you decide to put up a team members page, be sure to grab random headshots from the Internet, and invent suitable names and backgrounds for the “team.” Most users will never check up on them. Anyone who does, fuck ’em.
- Be sure to offer affiliate links, and reward promoters with bonuses paid in your project’s token. Also, create a “ladder” with many rungs, so promoters can be rewarded when they bring in new people under them. Avoid the terms “pyramid” or “MLM,” even if your referral system looks like a three-sided geometrical shape, because some people just don’t like those terms.
- To be truly effective, your system must be self-contained as much as possible. Your token or coin should have utility only on your platform, for use by the community. Exchanges from and to other cryptos, like Bitcoin, should mostly take place on your internal exchange so you can (1)charge fees and (2) hold onto the Bitcoin (or whatever) for later (personal) use.
- Having your token trade on external exchanges is OK, because it gives the project an air of respectability. But don’t try too hard to convince the major exchanges to trade the token, because you want to keep trading mostly internal.
- Be very sure that your project offers generous returns and that you pay those returns reliably in the early stages. Otherwise, who’s going to hand their money over to you?
- Compile a list of excuses … reasons .. in advance to explain why the project has failed. Suitable reasons could include: repeated Dedicated Denial of Service attacks, hackers stealing a large number of investors’ coins, legal actions (no matter how obscure or limited), bad press, a sudden decline in cryptocurrency markets, internal disputes among project management, technical problems with the withdrawal and exchange systems. For the last, it’s recommended to suspend those operations for an unspecified time, then cease all customer support activities, and then quietly close all social media accounts. Silence really is golden.
Enjoy your success! Remember to find a suitable domicile free of pesky extradition treaties with major political powers.
* Donations are of course welcome.